I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
