i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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