These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
