You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
