my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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