atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
