I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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