What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
