A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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