We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
