So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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