If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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