There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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