I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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