I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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