U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
