Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
