My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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