and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
