She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
