Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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