you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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