i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
my poor anus
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
