The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
