I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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