you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
