Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
