If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
