Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E