I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
