Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing http://tfl.nu/lzer

Replies (15) Good night (3594) Bad night (1426)
Favorite
(316): View more from Kansas

Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(316): Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/xbe7

Replies (7) Good night (2953) Bad night (864)
Favorite
(808): View more from Hawaii

I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(808): I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship http://tfl.nu/z40t

Replies (4) Good night (1707) Bad night (2253)
Favorite
(556): View more from

Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(556): Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard http://tfl.nu/2l07

Replies (10) Good night (2197) Bad night (827)
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked. http://tfl.nu/mwis

Replies (4) Good night (2031) Bad night (548)
Favorite
(202): View more from Washington, DC

I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(202): I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it. http://tfl.nu/il0a

Replies (12) Good night (1225) Bad night (622)
Favorite
(817): View more from Texas

Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(817): Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window." http://tfl.nu/43ug

Replies (10) Good night (2097) Bad night (585)
Favorite
(361): View more from Texas

WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?

(903): View more from Texas

I would peed on everything

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(361): WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM? (903): I would peed on everything http://tfl.nu/6qp3

Replies (4) Good night (542) Bad night (674)
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol http://tfl.nu/5mb9

Replies (4) Good night (509) Bad night (864)
Favorite
(864): View more from South Carolina

Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?

(803): View more from South Carolina

You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(864): Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night? (803): You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away http://tfl.nu/jmsz

Replies (0) Good night (1270) Bad night (439)
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes http://tfl.nu/re4k

Replies (5) Good night (761) Bad night (504)
Favorite
(613): View more from Ontario

That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(613): That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover. http://tfl.nu/as9t

Replies (1) Good night (827) Bad night (314)
Favorite
(740): View more from Ohio

Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(740): Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober. http://tfl.nu/5nza

Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (737)
Favorite
(980): View more from North Carolina

What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(980): What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone. http://tfl.nu/w2n9

Replies (8) Good night (673) Bad night (824)
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?

(1-516): View more from New York

all of them.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs? (1-516): all of them. http://tfl.nu/l17j

Replies (5) Good night (1234) Bad night (267)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard