Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
