saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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