We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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