I need help removing her.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
