U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
