Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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