Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
