Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
