first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
