Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
