My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
