she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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