Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
