He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
