if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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