Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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