The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
