..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
