ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
