So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
