and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Shame is for Republicans.
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