If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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