Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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