mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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