I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
