I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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