I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize