Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
