420 ftw
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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