Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
