you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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