I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
