somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
