guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
