You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
