Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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