I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
