You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
